For those reading in real-time: Yes, I am posting this right before Thanksgiving for a reason. 😛
In The Valkyrie Project, and it’s sequel Weathering the Past, our protagonist — Ana Callif — does some fairly routine ass-kicking, at least by today’s standards. She fights (a lot), runs (a lot), jumps, sneaks around, and fights (some more). Even scurrying across the roof of a skybridge over dozens of lanes of flying cars has become a bit believable when you’ve got twenty years of Ethan Hunt and Jason Bourne (and let us not forget another 30+ years of James Bond) under your belt.
But I’ve started working out (more than just running/elliptical) this year (actually since last December), and after being a runner pretty much exclusively my entire life, I have come to realize that these agents of espionage must have a pretty killer training plan that we never actually get to see or read about. It’s not like Rocky where the training montage is expected so you can see how hard he’s working. Even the recent Daredevil series just kind of goes with the assumption that: He’s blind, so his heightened senses also include increased heart size and red blood cells that can carry oxygen to his muscles faster during anaerobic activity. He doesn’t have to go to the gym and do jumping lunges or mountain climbers or sumo squats. Just as Ana can sprint up a hill while being shot at or wrestle some dude in an elevator or sprint up way too many stairs (or any number of other crazy ridiculous stunts which I’m trying not to spoil for those who haven’t read the books), she also is never shown lifting a finger outside all these missions. I definitely think the missions help to keep her in shape, but there’s no mention of push-ups, burpees, weights, or duck walking. Yet if she wasn’t already prepared for the task physically, I don’t think the Agency would even let her out the door.
So, how do these people get in shape in the first place?
In this post I’ve put together my hypothesis in the form of a workout. It’s similar to workouts I’ve seen and done (which kicked my ass), so while I’m not a certified professional trainer or anything, I’m fairly sure this would get you into, if not World Class Super Spy shape, then something much closer than most of us probably are now (myself included).
The Valkyrie Project Workout
We’ll start with a warm-up and then 3 circuits (though the Valkyries probably do it at least twice through depending on how much time they have). The circuits are only about 7 minutes each. They’re intended to be hard and you do them as hard as you can. Get that heart rate up and keep it up while you work those muscles. When you’re training to be an International Super Spy, you don’t have all the time in the world to work out (I’m going with that assumption, even though really, you probably do). You’ve got to read a lot about missions, study other languages, learn to imitate other people, practice walking in heels (if you’re a Valkyrie), hit the gun range, and then take a long flight somewhere. So you’ve got to keep your workouts short and to the point.
In the interest of efficiency again, you will need at most a set of hand weights for these moves (though most don’t require any weights).
Warm-Up (30 seconds each – twice through)
Backward Swinging Arm Circles (Big rotation)
Half-squat with leg rotation (ideally with knee straight and full rotation) – This is just a half-squat with a chorus line kick
Static lunges with torso rotation (with hand weight)
Leg swings – one leg at a time, swing it out to the side while keeping your body straight up and down
Circuit 1 (30 seconds for each numbered exercise)
1. Half Crow Push-ups – 30 seconds; bend one leg and bring it toward your elbow as you do a push-up
2. Kettlebell swing with squat (you can use your hand weight as a kettlebell)
3. Sumo Squats with overhead tricep press (tricep extension)
4. Mountain climbers
6. V-sit into Hollow Ab Lift (similar to Hollow Rock but with a bit more control going from the V-sit to the Hollowed out position)
7. Plank twist
Circuit 2 (30 seconds for each numbered exercise)
1. Superman with shoulder press (hand weights)
2. Renegade row with push-up
3. Forearm plank push-ups
4. Squat jumps
5. Plank moguls
6. Pike crunch (raise legs and touch toes)
7. Sit-up with leg extension (alternating sides – kind of like a bicycle sit-up)
Circuit 3 (30 seconds for each numbered exercise)
1. Duck walk
2. Chair pose with reverse fly (this is a combo, so you might have to search for a couple videos to get the idea)
3. Side lunge with front raise
4. Double-time butt kicks (basically, as fast as you think you can do them, double that)
5. Jumping lunges
6. Sit-up with Russian Twist
7. Roll-up followed by pike crunch
Always important to stretch things out after a work-out. Most people do this by stretching whatever hurts for about 5 seconds, and with time so limited, you would think the Valkyries would probably follow that routine as well. Well, some of them do, I can assure you. Ana is probably one of them. But some of them follow the prescribed stretching routine, which is as follows…
Standing Hamstring Stretch – Place one leg at a time on a chair and lean forward to stretch hamstring; 90 seconds each. Keep back straight when leaning in to stretch. You can do this seated on the floor with one leg bent if you want.
Standing Quad Stretch – One leg at a time for 90 seconds each.
Crowd Pleaser – Stretch for the groin: Sitting on the ground place the soles of the feet together and lean forward. Hold for 90 seconds. (Noticing a pattern here?)
Standing Calf Stretch – Place hands on the wall or back of a chair. One leg forward, the other straight back. Try to keep the heel on the ground for the best stretch. Hold each leg for… 90 seconds! No deviation here.
So there you go. And yes, I did just basically pick all the hardest moves that I know of and string them together. But I did actually do this workout after designing it to check if it was really as hard as I thought it would be, and actually is was quite doable. Certainly not easy – it’s harder than a lot of similar workouts I’ve done, but I’m sure if I wanted to spend five minutes searching instead of making up my own, I could find a lot of harder workouts. But they wouldn’t be called the Valkyrie Project workout, now would they?